Catching Up

It appears that I now have about 5 different posts that I have started but have not had the time to finish.  I get thoughts and start to put them into words and often it's on my blogger app on my phone but it's hard to write on my phone so I end up saving them thinking I will get back to them and obviously we can see that doesn't happen so I thought today I'm going to summarize them into one post or else it will drive me crazy!
In no particular order....

My son's surgery was over  two weeks ago.  He is 6.  It went great!  Without getting into great detail let's just say it was full open heart surgery (a valve replacement), it was his second, and he did amazing.  It was a very stressful week in the hospital but all in all there were no complications and we made it home in less than a week.  I was home with him all last week as well.  I had to return to work this week and that has been rather stressful since I work for the devil herself but he is still home healing for a few more weeks but nonetheless is doing great!  Thanks for all of the kind words and well wishes!!

I have not had any good action in weeks!  I often joke with a girlfriend of mine about how when we don't get enough sex we need our pussy pissy buttons reset.  Well mine needs a complete overhaul.
Things had been going great with all of my male friends lately and then the week before surgery my selfish stressed out body decided to have an outbreak.  It was my first one in a very long time!  I had made tentative plans with both L and C for that week.  I let C know that it was not looking like it would be worth it for him to come all the way to me and get a room just for some making out and a blow job.  He did consider but we decided to just hold off.  L of course was working right in my neighborhood so on Wednesday I picked him up at lunchtime at the job site and we had intended to get a room for a few hours nearby but again I didn't much see the point in getting a room so we decided to have lunch and then we found a nice secluded place to park and I gave him a blow job.  Interesting enough he pulled out his camera and took a few pictures and a video- this seems to be popular lately!  Since it was a short video he was able to text it to me and for the first time ever I got to watch myself on video.  It was interesting and actually pretty damn HOT!  I was like.. yea that's right, you suck that cock good girl! LOL
On Friday morning I had to take my little guy for a short dr. appt before work.  After I dropped him at school I ran home to get some work done before I had to go into the office to have a big meeting with my boss and I get a text message from J.  I have not been talking with J a whole lot lately.  He texts me here and there always hoping for one of our lovely lunch time meetings but I have been so busy with work and preoccupied with others that we have not been together in months.  Well apparently I had forgotten that I mentioned that Friday at lunch might be a possibility. Well he didn't forget.  So I decided to just be honest and tell him I was just getting over a little OB and it probably wasn't a great idea unless he wanted to slap my face with his cock and let me make him cum in my mouth!  He was actually very sweet and said we should just wait cause he doesn't want to be selfish and wants to make me cum terribly.  I told him it would easily be two weeks or more and I had the time and since he was so sweet it immediately made me horny so we agreed to meet in one of our usual spots.
I got there first.  It's a restaurant parking lot but there is an area in the back that is somewhat private but J and I have never been used to much privacy and sometimes I think we both enjoy pushing some limits.
When he showed up he was all smiles!  I walked around to his side of the car and he grabbed me and pushed up against the car and started kissing me!  He kisses hard and with so much want in him.  He is starting to really enjoy the forceful side of things.  He grabbed and touched me everywhere.  Pulled my dress down so he could take my nipples in his mouth.  Told me how badly he wanted to bend me over right there. Since that was not in the cards for the afternoon I started undoing his pants while we were kissing.  I pulled his already very hard cock out and squatted down right there and took him into my mouth.  I sucked him a few times and then looked up at him.  He took his cock in his hands and rubbed it all over my lips, and slapped it across my lips a few times.  Since we were standing outside in the middle of the day we started hearing voices so we decided it best to move into the car.  I finished him off and we settled in to talk and catch up for a bit.  All of a sudden he said remember I sent you a text a week or so ago about a big plan I had for you.  I said yes, are you going to tell me what your plan was?  He said look down by the door.  In the little storage compartment was a large piece of soft rope.  He then leaned over and took the rope and started to wrap it around my wrists as he told me in step by step detail what he plans to do to me.  I'm not going to tell just in case we ever get the chance to do it... it will make a great story.  So we said our goodbye's and that was that!
I did get one really good fuck Sunday morning from the hubby before all the craziness started with surgery, etc.
During the week of surgery I received several kind emails from my "friends".  Making sure everything went well, we were all okay, etc.  C even tried to work it out to meet me one night in the parking garage for a quickie and it was a sweet thought but I knew it was not where my head was at.  I was very focused on my family as I needed to be.  The week coming home was a time for me to have a small child in my bed every night and a thoughtful husband making sure whatever we needed was taken care of so we could both rest and I could focus on him healing and he would sleep on the couch or in the kids room.  As that week started to come to a close I felt myself getting frustrated and pissy.  I realized that I had not really left the house or done anything for myself in weeks and I was starting to PMS.  I decided I needed some attention.  I asked my mom to come over for a few hours to give me a break so I could run some errands.  I thought I had made plans with L but as the day wore on he got busy and it just never worked out.  Then my monthly visitor came about 4 days early.  I couldn't get a break for the life of me.  Hubby had said he was going to take good care of me over the weekend and he feel asleep after a fun filled day of golfing and it didn't happen, the next day I started.  :(  I also seem to be in a slump with L.  I told him he seemed distant, he said he knows I'm going through a lot and wanted to give me space but thinks about me everyday.  You certainly couldn't tell!  Anyway, he is single and deserves to do whatever makes him happy!  I am and will always be an action speaks louder than words lady!
This week I went back to work.  I knew it would be a tough week and I was right!  My boss is seriously  a horrible person! I don't know if I will ever get over leaving a really great job to work for a narcissistic, controlling cunt!  Yep I said it, she is!
So in all of the craziness of life, lack of attention I found myself perusing the Internet.  The next thing I know I'm on Ashley Madison (which it has been over 2 years since I've even looked on there).  I whip up a quick profile so I can look around and I'm always amazed at what is out there.  I've always been really good at putting together a decent profile on sites so I just simply laid it all out there.  I explained that I know what I like and what I want.  I've had many different types of lovers but lately have been feeling like I'm missing something and want more.  I tell about my past on AM, and I give full disclosure about my HSV.  I knew it would be a long shot but figured who knows.
Let's just say that I have been pleasantly overwhelmed by the response I've gotten.  I'm almost a little taken back as I didn't really expect it.  Outside of J and one other I really haven't been with anyone that doesn't have it.  It's not that I'm not open to having a lover without it but it does make me think much harder about my sexual partners.  These are almost all married men having affairs.  There have been a few extremely attractive singles I've chatted with but that has never been my preference.  I'm allowing myself to be picky and have only given my private email to a few and have been chatting with them.  I've offered my private key to many on the site but I'm already feeling like I'm in over my head!
I will be seeing C sometime this week and to say I'm excited would be an understatement.  He brought to my attention that sometime later this month will be out 1 year anniversary.  Neither of us can remember the exact date but he sure did say some pretty sweet things about me and never dreaming he'd meet the woman that would change his sex life forever.
L is texting me daily in hopes of us finding some time soon and J thinks he's going to coax me into letting him use that rope on my sometime soon.  Now I have a few new gentleman all very worth the time it seems looking to have a possible meet and greet sometime soon!
I may have found myself a predicament.  You see this is what happens to attention whores!  We get ourselves in over our heads.
All I really want is one man... well my hubby and one man.... one other man that can take me to a place sexually that all of them combined have not taken me.  All of them wrapped up into one man plus a little  more.  Someone that will be my friend, give me attention in and out of the bedroom, long for my touches, make me long for theirs, and own my body like no one ever has!  Too much to ask for?  Probably!  I can't help but wonder if one of these men I've been chatting with could be that man... should I shut it down now and be happy with what I have or take my chances and see what else is out there?
I have not told my BF yet.  she will be the one to talk some sense into me... or NOT.  I told her we needed to get together as I had some purging I needed to do.  Her response... Should I bring my Rolodex, lol.  I said we should probably have a few drinks for sure!
Maybe it will be a very interesting week. I know one thing is certain.  My pussy will be getting some seriously needed attention this week!
I should be back with something good by next weekend!
Have a good week everyone!

What's the big secret!!!

So my affair with the Traveler, whom we will now refer to as "R" because it's easier to write was the affair that made me spoiled!  It was very different than any other.  He made me feel amazing.  He was a friend, a lover, and he brought things out of me that I really liked.  We saw each other for almost a year very regularly.  We met through Ashley Madison, he traveled for work so whenever he would come into the area we would set up to meet, I would leave work early, we would usually have lunch or a few drinks and then head to his room.  It was never just a quickie.  It was hours of kissing, talking, fucking, touching and more fucking.  It was GREAT!  During this time he was going through a divorce and started dating.  I knew it would happen and that was fine.  I guess I didn't prepare myself for feeling sad though.  When he met someone he really liked I guess I realized that it wouldn't be me he would be making feel so special anymore.  It seems men don't know how to focus their attention on more than one woman at a time.  I didn't want to place second fiddle to another girlfriend.  I would to a wife (cause I'm the girlfriend), but to a girlfriend, NO.  New girlfriends are much more high maintenance and men need to impress them, and all that shit.  So like a grown up I said, Hey your great, you deserve to be happy, I will back off and you can fall in love like normal people do.  I knew he cared about me but he wanted to date, go out on dates, spend quality time together, etc and we both knew I would never be able to do that.  It was hard, I was sad, I cried but that was that... or so I thought.
Then about a month later I had a GYN appt. While I was there I told her that I had what I assumed was an ingrown hair that was really bothering me.  I have either shaved or waxed my pussy for most of my adult life and have cut myself, and had a few skin tags, and things of the sort but nothing quite like this (I think)!  So the OB takes a look and says well I don't think this is an ingrown hair it actually looks like Herpes.  I jumped up and said.  "I'm sorry did you just say Herpes"... she of course said yes... and in that moment my entire life changed!  She did the swap test and said she would call me with the results ASAP, we talked she told me a few things blah, blah and then I went out to my car and cried.  Cried hard cause I just knew the results would not be in my favor... I'm just not that lucky.  I immediately called my best friend, who is really the only person who knows pretty much everything about my life, and told her.  Together we started researching everything we could find on the Internet.  The pics online were no help at all because looked nothing like that.  It was just one little sore... one horribly painful, miserable little sore.  I decided that wouldn't say or do anything until I heard back from the OB.  In the meantime, coming from my religious upbringing, I went back to the basics.  I prayed long and hard.  I would never cheat again, I would quit smoking, doing anything sinful, I would be the best mom, wife, woman in the world just let it not be herpes!  I tried to write a blog post about it but couldn't bring myself to post it.  I had followers, friends, how shameful! 
So early the next week, while at work, the doctor called.  She said the HPV came back negative but I'm sorry the HSV came back positive.  You have HSV-2.  We talked, she told me all kinds of statistics, how it sheds when you don't even have an outbreak which is how most people get it, how to treat it, medications, blah, blah.  It was like I had an out of body experience... I could see myself sitting there listening to her talking to me but I couldn't speak.  Finally, we hung up, again I called the best friend, we cried together and then I knew I had to tell both the hubby and the boyfriend, well x. 
I decided to tell the boyfriend first, so I texted him that I needed to talk with him but would call him on my way home from work.  So I pulled into a parking lot, called him, and said that I had been to the OB last week, had what I thought was an ingrown hair, they did a swab test and called me today and told me I have herpes.  It probably was not that smooth and I'm pretty sure I was balling my eyes out as I told him.  He didn't say anything right away and then he said... well I don't have herpes.  I said are you sure?  He of course was sure but said he would get a blood test done right away.  I reminded him that I had not been with anyone since we stopped seeing each other and that other than him and the hubby hadn't been with anyone else in quite a long time.  Well, he was sweet and kind about it, but you could tell he felt bad for me.. I didn't like that at all.  I felt alone, and scared, and totally confused!!!!

I know it started with the herpes, then the first affair, then the second, then the last one.  I never quite gave him all of the information, but just enough.  He asked a lot of questions... some of them strange questions.  He was sad, then angry, then strangely turned on, then mad again, then confused.  He didn't understand with everything that we had done and gone though together why I didn't tell him I wanted to have sex with another man because he probably would have allowed me to as long as he could have been a part of it... but you see that isn't what I wanted.. I wanted to selfishly have a man to myself, to make me feel a way that he didn't make me feel... okay sorry, that's another post... anyway, we talked and cried for hours.  Then the next day we talked a little more but I could see he was just full of questions, and emotions and feelings I didn't know how to interpret.  The weird thing is that after I told him, he wanted to have sex with me all the time.  For like a week almost everyday.. and it was different, more passionate, connected... different.  So I went with it.  We talked everyday but mostly I assumed he would eventually retaliate.   So.. after all that he said he didn't have herpes, or at least to his knowledge... great so now what!
So the following week "R" gets in touch with me to tell me that his blood work came back and it doesn't look like he has herpes.  Of course he is totally relieved... feels bad for me, but is happy as he is sooo in love with his new girlfriend and would hate to have to explain that!  So I tell him about telling the hubby, he offers more condolences and tells me to keep in touch and keep him posted on everything and he will do the same (we pretty much stopped talking after that).  So now I am utterly alone... no boyfriend, my husband can hardly look at me, I have herpes but no idea how or why I have it.... then the depression starts to sink in.
I again tried to write a blog post but couldn't so instead I just delete the entire blog.. everything gone... I send a cryptic email to any and all friends/lovers that I had ever emailed with telling them I will be shutting down this email and to please stop emailing, texting, etc.  I decided that even though my prayers were not answered I would still shut that part of my world down and make the fantasy part of my world and life become dormant deep inside me where it belonged!  That was that... I spent all my free time doing research on my sickness, trying to understand, to make sense of it... I was trying, everyday to make my husband like me again, kissing his ass, trying to just focus all my attention on him and the kids, and work...
You know what I was completely miserable.  In every way!!! I was a mess... not a better mom, or wife, or friend or anything!  It just totally sucked and honestly I have no idea who that girl was!!!
So guess what..... I got an email in late July or early August from "R" saying he needed to talk with me.  So I called him... since we had last talked he and his other girlfriend had broke up but he was dating a new girl and they had gone away for the weekend... he had what he assumed was a cut from shaving on his penis but when he and the girlfriend came back from a weekend trip she had a nasty break out, they both went to the doctor and guess what, they both have herpes!  Well at this point I am a fucking expert so I tell him what I know.   That he could have had it all along and not known it, that some people have it for years and never have outbreaks, etc, etc.  We talk about it,  He wants to know what's happening with me, if my husband has it.  I tell him that he still hasn't been tested but has never had an outbreak (OB) to his knowledge and that there is a small percentage of people who are actually immune to it.  I will tell you that I am not happy he has it, but it made me feel a little bit better.  So here's the deal.  There is no blame going on here. I cannot help but assume he gave it to me... I'm pretty sure he assumes I gave it to him... neither of us know for sure and we are both adults that chose to have unprotected sex with one another and guess what folks... these are the consequences that you can face when you do those things!  So we move on.  I will delve more into what has happened since then but let me just say this for now.  I now know it's not a death sentence.  It really doesn't change who I am, or want to be.  It doesn't make me a bed person, or a dirty person.  1 out of 4 Americans have HSV, most don't know it because they either don't have very many OB's if at all, or they think it's something like an ingrown hair or something else.  It is what it is, I have it, it's mine forever.  I control it, I educate myself, and I do my best to keep it under control, which has not been easy but is getting easier.  So that is it, my big secret, my sabbatical.  Now I can go on, talk about everything that has happened, that is happening and just simply keep moving forward!