So now the secret is out. I have it, "R" has it and my husband either has it and is in denial, or maybe he has had it for so long that he no longer shows signs or he just simply doesn't have it which would explain why every time he comes on to me sexually he says something stupid like "Is it safe". This pisses me off!
After "R" found out he had it we stayed in touch a little. He would give me updates on how he and his new girlfriend were handling it, we would ask each other for advice regarding it or simple things like that. It wasn't really often that we talked. Looking back now I would say I was pretty depressed. I wasn't going out with friends as often, I wasn't working out, eating well. My sex life was pretty horrible, several areas of my marriage were breaking apart rapidly. It sucked! Then in October "R" got in touch with me and told me he and the GF had broken up and he asked if I would like to see him. Due to the kids schedule we decided to meet early in the day after I dropped the kids off to school. No lunch, or wine, just meet in his room....
So that is what we did. It was strange. I was a nervous wreck, like I had never been with him before. I was not feeling confident about myself, we hadn't been talking a lot so there was no build up, he didn't spend much time sexing me up before hand it just kind of happened. So we talked and kissed for awhile and then got down to business. Don't get me wrong, it was still good, but different good. Not mind blowing good, and strangely when we were done I knew there would be no seconds and I really just wanted to get out of there and go home. He was kind and said all the right things like he normally does, he texted me on my way home and then I didn't hear from him for like a month. Sometime in early December we talked again and he said we would get together again after the holidays. Then over the holidays he got back together with the girlfriend and that was fine. I guess at this point my thought process is kind of like this. I have herpes, who the hell other than him and my husband is going to want to fuck me so since I don't really have many options I had better take what I can get. I'm not running around looking for a new lover so when the old one comes around I will take him and deal with the rest of my life as it is.
So after the holidays were over I decided I was not going to just sit around and be miserable any longer. I was going to embrace my life, my virus, my marriage and start by making myself happy. So starting in January I've been changing my life. I have quit smoking, it's been 2 months and I know that this is it for me, I'm a non smoker and will most likely be forever (not counting the occasional wacky tabacky)... that is my every now and again release and I'm not giving that up. I have gotten back into working out (Turbo Fire and Chalene Johnson is my new best friend) and running 5-6 days a week and should be ready for a 5K sometime this summer. Since I'm not going to divorce my hubby I'm trying to be nice, and take it one day at a time. I went on daily medications for my OB's. I was just taking pills when I would feel an OB coming on but due to stress, etc. I felt like every time I shaved my pussy and it would start to grow back I would think I was having an OB and pop a few pills and due to stress was having then pretty frequently so everyday just seemed to make sense and I was hoping this would stop my husband from asking "If it was safe". So far so good. I've never been a pill popper and hate taking prescription medication but for this I will deal with it. I have not had an OB since I started the daily meds. One time I had the start of what looked like an OB but I just took 2/day instead of one and within one day it was gone. The side effects have not been horrible, and I'm dealing with it. I would rather deal with a few side effects than frequent OB's. So generic Valtrex is okay by me!
So what else..... well I just recently saw "R" for lunch but will save that for another post and I have yet to tell about "M". So all in all... my life is returning back to normal.. well I have never been normal but what i mean is that I'm starting to take back my life. I'm liking myself a lot more and that makes me a better person, a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, business woman, lover, and everything else!
Yea for me!!!
After "R" found out he had it we stayed in touch a little. He would give me updates on how he and his new girlfriend were handling it, we would ask each other for advice regarding it or simple things like that. It wasn't really often that we talked. Looking back now I would say I was pretty depressed. I wasn't going out with friends as often, I wasn't working out, eating well. My sex life was pretty horrible, several areas of my marriage were breaking apart rapidly. It sucked! Then in October "R" got in touch with me and told me he and the GF had broken up and he asked if I would like to see him. Due to the kids schedule we decided to meet early in the day after I dropped the kids off to school. No lunch, or wine, just meet in his room....
So that is what we did. It was strange. I was a nervous wreck, like I had never been with him before. I was not feeling confident about myself, we hadn't been talking a lot so there was no build up, he didn't spend much time sexing me up before hand it just kind of happened. So we talked and kissed for awhile and then got down to business. Don't get me wrong, it was still good, but different good. Not mind blowing good, and strangely when we were done I knew there would be no seconds and I really just wanted to get out of there and go home. He was kind and said all the right things like he normally does, he texted me on my way home and then I didn't hear from him for like a month. Sometime in early December we talked again and he said we would get together again after the holidays. Then over the holidays he got back together with the girlfriend and that was fine. I guess at this point my thought process is kind of like this. I have herpes, who the hell other than him and my husband is going to want to fuck me so since I don't really have many options I had better take what I can get. I'm not running around looking for a new lover so when the old one comes around I will take him and deal with the rest of my life as it is.
So after the holidays were over I decided I was not going to just sit around and be miserable any longer. I was going to embrace my life, my virus, my marriage and start by making myself happy. So starting in January I've been changing my life. I have quit smoking, it's been 2 months and I know that this is it for me, I'm a non smoker and will most likely be forever (not counting the occasional wacky tabacky)... that is my every now and again release and I'm not giving that up. I have gotten back into working out (Turbo Fire and Chalene Johnson is my new best friend) and running 5-6 days a week and should be ready for a 5K sometime this summer. Since I'm not going to divorce my hubby I'm trying to be nice, and take it one day at a time. I went on daily medications for my OB's. I was just taking pills when I would feel an OB coming on but due to stress, etc. I felt like every time I shaved my pussy and it would start to grow back I would think I was having an OB and pop a few pills and due to stress was having then pretty frequently so everyday just seemed to make sense and I was hoping this would stop my husband from asking "If it was safe". So far so good. I've never been a pill popper and hate taking prescription medication but for this I will deal with it. I have not had an OB since I started the daily meds. One time I had the start of what looked like an OB but I just took 2/day instead of one and within one day it was gone. The side effects have not been horrible, and I'm dealing with it. I would rather deal with a few side effects than frequent OB's. So generic Valtrex is okay by me!
So what else..... well I just recently saw "R" for lunch but will save that for another post and I have yet to tell about "M". So all in all... my life is returning back to normal.. well I have never been normal but what i mean is that I'm starting to take back my life. I'm liking myself a lot more and that makes me a better person, a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, business woman, lover, and everything else!
Yea for me!!!
I'm so very glad you are getting back to normal. Depression is something I had to watch out for with my husband after he found out. Thankfully he had to get out of bed and keep going. I think, in the end, I am the one who took it all worse being in the weird in-between situation. In the end, the meds are a small price to pay to avoid OB and get on with life.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you!
~Emmy
The frequency and severity of OBs will decrease over time. For me, its been over 20 yrs, and these days I may have one or two (at the most) OBs annually. And they're always stress induced. Moral to the story: Be patient and avoid stress. Easier said than done, I know.
ReplyDelete