My saga continues.....

Life is and will always be filled with drama... if you say your life has no drama I don't believe you!  So I did have lunch with R a month or so ago.  Around his birthday I had sent him a little happy birthday email and he texted me the following week and invited me to lunch.  Since I don't seem to possess the power to tell him no I accepted.  So a few days later as I was on my way to meet him I got a phone call from my step mom that my grandpa had passed away.  So we were already off to a bad start.  We met, hugged and I had not intended to drink but given the news I quickly ordered a glass of wine and I think I drank the whole glass in one long gulp!  We did the usual small talk and I'm realizing that it includes listening to him talk about a whole lot of continuous drama in his life... he does a lot of the talking.  I listened regarding who he has chatted with, gone on dates with, had sex with, told about his herpes, not told about his herpes, his new potential girlfriend and both of their divorce drama.  I think to be polite he also asked about my marriage, kids and if there was any new lovers in my life.  I spent a few minutes giving him a fairly quick update.  He of course still left the door open for us and said he would be back in a few weeks and asked if I would want to go out for an evening date and then back to his hotel for dessert.  I was surprised after him  telling me about his new GF but it sounded like fun and since I hadn't had any I said I would see if I could work it out.  So after lunch he kissed me goodbye and then we emailed a few times.  He mentioned something about feeling guilty or something in one email to which my response... I don't need and/or want a sympathy fuck, and if he didn't want to get together than to just simply say so etc. etc.  So I waited for him to respond... the day we were supposed to meet came and went and he never responded to my email.  So I waited about a week and wrote him back... this is what I wrote....

Hey there:
So I responded to your email last week regarding us getting together but I never heard anything back from you.  I had already assumed that we would not be getting together but I guess I was just surprised that you didn't get back with me at all.  Listen I know your busy and stressed and all of that and I don't want to add to that in any way so if you don't want to correspond with me that is fine, just be upfront with me.... don't make tentative plans with me, then email me you may feel guilty and then totally leave me hanging.  I have always had a pretty high opinion of you and regardless of if we are friends or not I would like to hold on to that opinion.  I'm a good person and I've been a pretty good friend to you when you wanted and/or needed so it would have been nice to have heard something... Just sayin!!
Pretty straight forward and this was what I got back....

You are awesome...my life is two train wrecks right now...ugh..can't seem to catch a break. I am sorry babe.....been eating shit sandwiches all week....

:(

So that is that... I haven't heard back from him since that.. I have decided to close this chapter in my book.  It upsets me on several levels due to the fact that I seriously allowed myself to care deeply for this man.  He had me... as much as a lover can have you.  I feel like I was a good friend to him and so much more.  I was always there for him when he needed me but i realize now that he didn't really return that sentiment to me.  I now feel like maybe I allowed myself to settle.  My situation as far as lovers go is very different now but I still feel like when and where lovers are concerned I have so much to offer and if I"m not getting everything back that I'm giving than FORGET IT!

I know the day will come that he will get back in touch with me.  It will likely be when he is fighting or having a breakup with a GF and he will come to me to make him feel incredible.  It will not be easy for me but I will do my best to walk away, however I may decide to take that opportunity to tell him just how crummy he has made me feel!  Who knows maybe I will make him eat another shit sandwich!

So this will hopefully be my last post regarding R... so now I will tell you about "M" and a little status update on "J".  I would tell you a little about my hubby but that unfortunately is so sad and boring.

Since Then....

So now the secret is out.  I have it, "R" has it and my husband either has it and is in denial, or maybe he has had it for so long that he no longer shows signs or he just simply doesn't have it which would explain why every time he comes on to me sexually he says something stupid like "Is it safe".  This pisses me off!
After "R" found out he had it we stayed in touch a little.  He would give me updates on how he and his new girlfriend were handling it, we would ask each other for advice regarding it or simple things like that.  It wasn't really often that we talked.  Looking back now I would say I was pretty depressed.  I wasn't going out with friends as often, I wasn't working out, eating well.  My sex life was pretty horrible, several areas of my marriage were breaking apart rapidly.  It sucked!  Then in October "R" got in touch with me and told me he and the GF had broken up and he asked if I would like to see him.  Due to the kids schedule we decided to meet early in the day after I dropped the kids off to school.  No lunch, or wine, just meet in his room....
So that is what we did.  It was strange.  I was a nervous wreck, like I had never been with him before.  I was not feeling confident about myself, we hadn't been talking a lot so there was no build up, he didn't spend much time sexing me up before hand it just kind of happened.  So we talked and kissed for awhile and then got down to business.  Don't get me wrong, it was still good, but different good.  Not mind blowing good, and strangely when we were done I knew there would be no seconds and I really just wanted to get out of there and go home.  He was kind and said all the right things like he normally does, he texted me on my way home and then I didn't hear from him for like a month.  Sometime in early December we talked again and he said we would get together again after the holidays.  Then over the holidays he got back together with the girlfriend and that was fine.  I guess at this point my thought process is kind of like this.   I have herpes, who the hell other than him and my husband is going to want to fuck me so since I don't really have many options I had better take what I can get.  I'm not running around looking for a new lover so when the old one comes around I will take him and deal with the rest of my life as it is.
So after the holidays were over I decided I was not going to just sit around and be miserable any longer.  I was going to embrace my life, my virus, my marriage and start by making myself happy.  So starting in January I've been changing my life.  I have quit smoking, it's been 2 months and I know that this is it for me, I'm a non smoker and will most likely be forever (not counting the occasional wacky tabacky)... that is my every now and again release and I'm not giving that up.  I have gotten back into working out (Turbo Fire and Chalene Johnson is my new best friend) and running 5-6 days a week and should be ready for a 5K sometime this summer.  Since I'm not going to divorce my hubby I'm trying to be nice, and take it one day at a time.  I went on daily medications for my OB's.  I was just taking pills when I would feel an OB coming on but due to stress, etc. I felt like every time I shaved my pussy and it would start to grow back I would think I was having an OB and pop a few pills and due to stress was having then pretty frequently so everyday just seemed to make sense and I was hoping this would stop my husband from asking "If it was safe".  So far so good.  I've never been a pill popper and hate taking prescription medication but for this I will deal with it.  I have not had an OB since I started the daily meds.  One time I had the start of what looked like an OB but I just took 2/day instead of one and within one day it was gone.  The side effects have not been horrible, and I'm dealing with it.  I would rather deal with a few side effects than frequent OB's.  So generic Valtrex is okay by me!

So what else..... well I just recently saw "R" for lunch but will save that for another post and I have yet to tell about "M".  So all in all... my life is returning back to normal.. well I have never been normal but what i mean is that I'm starting to take back my life.  I'm liking myself a lot more and that makes me a better person, a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, business woman, lover, and everything else!
Yea for me!!!

What's the big secret!!!

So my affair with the Traveler, whom we will now refer to as "R" because it's easier to write was the affair that made me spoiled!  It was very different than any other.  He made me feel amazing.  He was a friend, a lover, and he brought things out of me that I really liked.  We saw each other for almost a year very regularly.  We met through Ashley Madison, he traveled for work so whenever he would come into the area we would set up to meet, I would leave work early, we would usually have lunch or a few drinks and then head to his room.  It was never just a quickie.  It was hours of kissing, talking, fucking, touching and more fucking.  It was GREAT!  During this time he was going through a divorce and started dating.  I knew it would happen and that was fine.  I guess I didn't prepare myself for feeling sad though.  When he met someone he really liked I guess I realized that it wouldn't be me he would be making feel so special anymore.  It seems men don't know how to focus their attention on more than one woman at a time.  I didn't want to place second fiddle to another girlfriend.  I would to a wife (cause I'm the girlfriend), but to a girlfriend, NO.  New girlfriends are much more high maintenance and men need to impress them, and all that shit.  So like a grown up I said, Hey your great, you deserve to be happy, I will back off and you can fall in love like normal people do.  I knew he cared about me but he wanted to date, go out on dates, spend quality time together, etc and we both knew I would never be able to do that.  It was hard, I was sad, I cried but that was that... or so I thought.
Then about a month later I had a GYN appt. While I was there I told her that I had what I assumed was an ingrown hair that was really bothering me.  I have either shaved or waxed my pussy for most of my adult life and have cut myself, and had a few skin tags, and things of the sort but nothing quite like this (I think)!  So the OB takes a look and says well I don't think this is an ingrown hair it actually looks like Herpes.  I jumped up and said.  "I'm sorry did you just say Herpes"... she of course said yes... and in that moment my entire life changed!  She did the swap test and said she would call me with the results ASAP, we talked she told me a few things blah, blah and then I went out to my car and cried.  Cried hard cause I just knew the results would not be in my favor... I'm just not that lucky.  I immediately called my best friend, who is really the only person who knows pretty much everything about my life, and told her.  Together we started researching everything we could find on the Internet.  The pics online were no help at all because looked nothing like that.  It was just one little sore... one horribly painful, miserable little sore.  I decided that wouldn't say or do anything until I heard back from the OB.  In the meantime, coming from my religious upbringing, I went back to the basics.  I prayed long and hard.  I would never cheat again, I would quit smoking, doing anything sinful, I would be the best mom, wife, woman in the world just let it not be herpes!  I tried to write a blog post about it but couldn't bring myself to post it.  I had followers, friends, how shameful! 
So early the next week, while at work, the doctor called.  She said the HPV came back negative but I'm sorry the HSV came back positive.  You have HSV-2.  We talked, she told me all kinds of statistics, how it sheds when you don't even have an outbreak which is how most people get it, how to treat it, medications, blah, blah.  It was like I had an out of body experience... I could see myself sitting there listening to her talking to me but I couldn't speak.  Finally, we hung up, again I called the best friend, we cried together and then I knew I had to tell both the hubby and the boyfriend, well x. 
I decided to tell the boyfriend first, so I texted him that I needed to talk with him but would call him on my way home from work.  So I pulled into a parking lot, called him, and said that I had been to the OB last week, had what I thought was an ingrown hair, they did a swab test and called me today and told me I have herpes.  It probably was not that smooth and I'm pretty sure I was balling my eyes out as I told him.  He didn't say anything right away and then he said... well I don't have herpes.  I said are you sure?  He of course was sure but said he would get a blood test done right away.  I reminded him that I had not been with anyone since we stopped seeing each other and that other than him and the hubby hadn't been with anyone else in quite a long time.  Well, he was sweet and kind about it, but you could tell he felt bad for me.. I didn't like that at all.  I felt alone, and scared, and totally confused!!!!

I know it started with the herpes, then the first affair, then the second, then the last one.  I never quite gave him all of the information, but just enough.  He asked a lot of questions... some of them strange questions.  He was sad, then angry, then strangely turned on, then mad again, then confused.  He didn't understand with everything that we had done and gone though together why I didn't tell him I wanted to have sex with another man because he probably would have allowed me to as long as he could have been a part of it... but you see that isn't what I wanted.. I wanted to selfishly have a man to myself, to make me feel a way that he didn't make me feel... okay sorry, that's another post... anyway, we talked and cried for hours.  Then the next day we talked a little more but I could see he was just full of questions, and emotions and feelings I didn't know how to interpret.  The weird thing is that after I told him, he wanted to have sex with me all the time.  For like a week almost everyday.. and it was different, more passionate, connected... different.  So I went with it.  We talked everyday but mostly I assumed he would eventually retaliate.   So.. after all that he said he didn't have herpes, or at least to his knowledge... great so now what!
So the following week "R" gets in touch with me to tell me that his blood work came back and it doesn't look like he has herpes.  Of course he is totally relieved... feels bad for me, but is happy as he is sooo in love with his new girlfriend and would hate to have to explain that!  So I tell him about telling the hubby, he offers more condolences and tells me to keep in touch and keep him posted on everything and he will do the same (we pretty much stopped talking after that).  So now I am utterly alone... no boyfriend, my husband can hardly look at me, I have herpes but no idea how or why I have it.... then the depression starts to sink in.
I again tried to write a blog post but couldn't so instead I just delete the entire blog.. everything gone... I send a cryptic email to any and all friends/lovers that I had ever emailed with telling them I will be shutting down this email and to please stop emailing, texting, etc.  I decided that even though my prayers were not answered I would still shut that part of my world down and make the fantasy part of my world and life become dormant deep inside me where it belonged!  That was that... I spent all my free time doing research on my sickness, trying to understand, to make sense of it... I was trying, everyday to make my husband like me again, kissing his ass, trying to just focus all my attention on him and the kids, and work...
You know what I was completely miserable.  In every way!!! I was a mess... not a better mom, or wife, or friend or anything!  It just totally sucked and honestly I have no idea who that girl was!!!
So guess what..... I got an email in late July or early August from "R" saying he needed to talk with me.  So I called him... since we had last talked he and his other girlfriend had broke up but he was dating a new girl and they had gone away for the weekend... he had what he assumed was a cut from shaving on his penis but when he and the girlfriend came back from a weekend trip she had a nasty break out, they both went to the doctor and guess what, they both have herpes!  Well at this point I am a fucking expert so I tell him what I know.   That he could have had it all along and not known it, that some people have it for years and never have outbreaks, etc, etc.  We talk about it,  He wants to know what's happening with me, if my husband has it.  I tell him that he still hasn't been tested but has never had an outbreak (OB) to his knowledge and that there is a small percentage of people who are actually immune to it.  I will tell you that I am not happy he has it, but it made me feel a little bit better.  So here's the deal.  There is no blame going on here. I cannot help but assume he gave it to me... I'm pretty sure he assumes I gave it to him... neither of us know for sure and we are both adults that chose to have unprotected sex with one another and guess what folks... these are the consequences that you can face when you do those things!  So we move on.  I will delve more into what has happened since then but let me just say this for now.  I now know it's not a death sentence.  It really doesn't change who I am, or want to be.  It doesn't make me a bed person, or a dirty person.  1 out of 4 Americans have HSV, most don't know it because they either don't have very many OB's if at all, or they think it's something like an ingrown hair or something else.  It is what it is, I have it, it's mine forever.  I control it, I educate myself, and I do my best to keep it under control, which has not been easy but is getting easier.  So that is it, my big secret, my sabbatical.  Now I can go on, talk about everything that has happened, that is happening and just simply keep moving forward!

The Hubby, the kids, the marriage.

So before I get more into my stories of lovers past and present, and the crazy shit that has gone on over the last year I figured I should give a little insight into my life with the hubby!  I had a comment from someone regarding my first post on Cheating.  The comment was about why we stay married.  I'm not sure if my reasons are the same as others.  It has had me thinking for a few days.  There are days when I love the hubby very much and days when I hate ever fiber of his being.  Days when I wouldn't want to change my situation for anything and days I wish I could just get in my car and drive far, far away!  My #1 reason for staying is my kids.  I come from a divorced family and I turned out okay ( I say that carefully as divorce has definitely screwed me up in some ways).  I never understood why people stayed married for their kids.  I thought that was stupid but now I totally understand.  My oldest son will say things like "you and daddy will be married forever, right".  Ugh, that kills me!  He is very sensitive and I truly feel like it would devastate him.  My sister was his age when our parents divorced and it had a much more severe impact in her life than in mine.  I think eventually they would learn to live with it and they would likely be okay but I just am in no way ready to make them have to go through it.  I also am just plain not ready to give up... YET!  I still have fight left in me!
As I mentioned before there is a significant age difference in us.  For the most part it never really made much of a difference but recently he has started acting like an old man.  He is a very good dad, a hard working man for this family, he just doesn't really do so well with ME!  He never wants to do anything with me... he never wants to take me out... when I say this I mean if I make plans he will humbly go along but he never initiates doing things with me.  He doesn't want to hang out with other couples, be social, etc.  I am a social butterfly.  Wait, let me say this... if we were meeting couples that we were potentially going to swing with he would be there in a heart beat but just to hang out and have fun I have to almost beg and drag him out sometimes.  For Christmas a few years ago, he gave me a card and inside it was a coupon (handmade) for couples dance lessons.  He knew I had always wanted to do couples dancing so the card read "I want to Tango with your booty".. cute, eh.. well everyone was like "oh your so lucky", blah, blah.  Two years later of course it never happened.  Why did it never happen, I will tell you.  Because I did do some research on dance classes and presented him with the information but since I didn't book it and remind him, and drag his ass to the class it never happened.  Well sorry but in my book if you give me a gift than I give you the responsibility to make the gift good!  If I didn't have to be in control of every friggin aspect of our lives than maybe it would have been different and I would have taken the lead on it but I drew the line with that one.  So no dance lessons and that is just one story.  It's like that with everything.. the kids, the bills, the house, the business, and of course the sex.  He is typically pretty content to stay home day after day, watch tv, play outside with the kids, or play video games with them, call it family time and be very happy with life and himself.  If we do anything together outside of this house it is because I plan it and bring it to fruition.
Some of this is definitely my fault as early on in our marriage I took the lead and was so happy to do so.  I made things very easy on him.  He in turn became complacent and happy and didn't feel the need for change.  He is also a total perv for the most part so when I offered him a threesome he was delighted and hooked.  For me it was after my first affair and I was opening up to new things and wanted to explore with him.  It was great, we had a blast.  We fell madly in love with this new part of our love life and each other.  For me it was just a thing but for him it was the potential for a new lifestyle.  So of course we joined a site, we would talk with couples, have sex on cam and we had a friend of mine that would come over and play sometimes.  After I got prego just try it.  So we joined another site AFF.  This time it was different.  I just really wasn't into it.  I felt like most of the couples on there that had success in swinging seemed to have really secure marriages and I felt that we didn't.  I mean hello, I was cheating, he was staying up til all hours of the night camming with people all by himself (yes, he wasn't smart enough then to know to erase his history, etc).  So then I discovered Ashley Madison, met "The Traveler", had the most intense and wonderful affair for close to a year, started blogging, life was good, then the shit hit the fan, lost Traveler, had to tell my husband everything (well almost everything), decided to try and rid my life of everything that pertained to my deep, dark world of cheating (ridiculous), fell into a depression and have been struggling to climb out ever sense.  This has been one of the most challenging years of my life but the last 3 months I have started to see some light again, at least from my personal perspective.  The marriage is still very rocky but again I'm not ready to give up.
Some people may think what do I mean I'm not ready to give up, I'm the one that cheated... he didn't leave me.  No he didn't.  He, on most days, tries to understand that there is a difference between sex and love.  Although I did not share that I did begin to have some feelings for Traveler (TMI).  He made his decision to stay with me, although whenever we fight he seems to find reason to remind me about it.  Bottom line is that we have a beautiful family that is worth something to both of us.  We have some sort of mutual respect for one another and I truly believe that there is love somewhere it's just a little lost!  We need counseling in the worst way as we have a very difficult time have any form of serious communication.  It will happen we just don't know when.  Hopefully before it is to late.  So the other problem is that I really enjoy having other men or another man in my life.  I like how they make me feel. I like blogging about stuff... sex mostly, but in general.  I enjoy the other side to my life and I don't think it's dark, or bad... I think it's just me and I'm starting to really like me again.  I have thought about discussing an open marriage with him but I doubt very highly that he would even consider it and I'm not sure that is the answer so for now this is how it is.  I'm back to having a bit of a double life, he seems content as long as I seem happy???? Weird I know!
More to come......

So much to say!

Eventually I will talk about everything... my secrets, why I took a long sabbatical, etc.  One thing at a time.  Lets start with some basic information and then we can always go from there.  I'm a 35 year old woman.  I have two children 7 & 4.  I have been married for over 10 years, of those ten years I cheated on/off for 5.  My husband is fourteen years older than I am.  Sometimes I feel like a drug addict and I know that is a silly statement to make as I don't think I'm a nympho or anything like that but I do feel as though I have a problem, well many, but that's a whole different story.  I am a mom first and foremost, work PT out of the home, and own a business with my husband that I do some work for but am about to start working much more for as both kids will be in school this year.  I come from a divorced family, but great parents.  No home is perfect but I was raised well, and had a pretty good life.  When I met my husband I was 20 on our first date and 21 on our second.  He was this MAN and I was very intrigued by him.  He had never been married and had no children.  All of my friends were off partying at college or home, and living crazy lives and I was falling in love and getting ready to settle down early!  I had a great job, was making really good money at a young age.  I was living the life of someone about ten years older that I was.  I feel in love with him quickly and visa versa.  We had a long engagement but I was married before I was 24.  So again while my friends were living their lives I was learning how to be a good wife.  We didn't have kids right away cause we wanted to just enjoy each other.  We bought a house, got a dog, all the good stuff.  We did a lot together, had fun, lived out lives, etc.  I would say it's safe to say I was happy!  I never cheated, or dreamed of it until my first child was about 18 months.  I was looking to cheat, it just kinda happened.  You know the old fashion way.  No posts on websites... just met a man who made me feel like I was hot, sexy, and he wanted me.  He was gorgeous!  Totally beautiful.  I could never have dreamed that a man that hot would want a girl like me, but he did.  So that was that I screwed his brains out for an entire weekend and then we decided to see each other on the side.  We didn't live close so that helped.  This lasted for a few months until one day he said something about me making his stomach feel funny, or something like that.  That was pretty much the end of that!

Then there was "J" and he was my fun, in the car,  have sex several times a week on our lunch break.  I kind of took him for granted!  He have the best oral I've ever had.  He made me feel good... just plain good.  He was always there for me.  I could say more about him and maybe I will over time but mainly he was very cool, a friend and a lover.  The only lover I ever have or would have to my house (2x).  Anyway, we don't even really keep in touch anymore but that is because I told him not to and I'm sure if I contacted him today he'd invite me to his backseat tomorrow... but unfortunately that won't be happening.

That brings me to "R" or formerly known as "the traveler".  He rocked my world and then almost brought it all crashing down on me.  I wrote some really great posts about him and I, our experiences together... I'm so bummed I deleted it all.  I wish I could have saved even an achieve folder of it so I could go back and read it.  I miss him... sometimes!  I will continue to divulge information as I write about why I stopped writing, what has happened over the last year along with whatever else may be on my mind at the time.  I just have to say I'm slowly finding all my favorite blogs to read from before and catching up on what has happened in every one's lives and it makes me almost "giddy" to read and write again.  Kind of therapeutic and since the hubby and I can't find our, way to therapy I will use this as my therapy in the meantime.  I also may have a new friend... we will call him "M" but it's a little to new to write much except he is sweet!  I know boring but who knows.

*Sigh*

I'm back, well kind of!

Woman.. why are your husbands cheating on you?
Men... why are your wives having sex with other men (a.k.a. cheating on you)?

Why do we cheat?  Is it inherent?  Is monogamy really even a word?  According to some people I know it is but I really don't think it is our nature!

Women... if your husbands are cheating on you it's likely for the plain and simple reason that you are not giving them that pussy!  For men, it's pretty simple... they want a little kink here and there, a little spice but if there wife is giving them pussy, as frequent as they think they need it... they may still watch a little porn, and fantasize a little, but chances are their cocks will stay at home with you.  Now, I do know that there are some men out there that just like a little strange, now and again, and just don't have it in them to turn it down! However, the majority will not stray if they are getting it at home.  I have had lovers even tell me that they would probably stay at home if there wives would give it up even once a month!  Once a month, what the fuck is wrong with a woman that isn't wanting to fuck once a month?

Men... if you wives are cheating on you it's just not so plain and simple... you have much more work to do than to give up the cock!  As woman, especially those of us who are taking care of kids, houses, running around, working, etc. we want to feel appreciated, loved, adored (okay did I take that last one to far).  We know you work hard, and provide, and play with your kids but what about asking if there's anything you can do to help us out so we can have a moment to ourselves (to relax, take a bath, work out, go out with girlfriends, whatever).  We know we deserve this, we just want you to know that we deserve this.  What about telling us how great we look, how beautiful and/or sexy you think we are... even on occasion... cause buddy let me tell you... if your not telling us this... guess what, our lovers are.. a lot!  What about sexing us up a little bit!  Foreplay, talking to us, making the sex all about us for a change.  What about taking us out on a nice date, that you planned all by yourself!  In my opinion for us girls sometimes it's the simple things that make us feel amazing, and often times when we start to feel amazing, we start to do and act amazing, and we will surprise you when we come out of our shells and possibly rock your world!  You see, when we woman find a lover, he is most likely going to do all the things for us that are husbands aren't.  But I don't mean swallow cum, or give blow jobs (well you know what I man reversed)...I mean he's going to make us feel as amazing as we already know we are deep down inside, he's going to say all the right things, touch us in all the right places, take his time... ADORE US!  and you know what, you could get all the things that he is getting out of us if only you were the one doing those things.
Now again, I know in some situations, there are woman who just simply hate their husbands and wouldn't want to touch them even if they did these things but again I'm betting on the majority of us who still very much love our husbands but are just not getting what we want out of them for one reason or another.
Now back to these wives that won't have sex with their husbands.... I don't get it.  I know the whole Men are from Mars, Woman are from Venus, but swear to god I'm from Uranus or something.
I have girlfriends that say they just don't really care about having sex anymore, or they are always too tired, or don't feel sexy enough, but I'm quite certain that if their husbands did a few of the things on my list they would come around because I know these girls and they are sexy bitches they just haven't felt like it in a long time.  I know that the few of them that have heard a few of my stories sit there drooling and living vicariously through me.  Why?  Because they either don't have the guts to do what I've done, or don't feel deserving.  What do I know, I never thought I would either, but maybe it's a personality type or something like that.  I love my husband very much and sometimes when we have sex it's good and I love it and I question myself, but then when I have sex with a lover, I remember why!   When I hear a man say he'd not cheat if he could have it once a month, I say fuck that, if I could have it 1-2x per week then maybe I wouldn't cheat.... I don't want to settle for once a month... I want sex... I like it... it feels good, it makes me feel good about myself, about life, about everything.  It aligns my world.  Why can't we all just have more sex, we would all be much happier people!
That's enough for now, I gotta run... more to come!