Cant escape my Don Wan

So this weekend it happened.  He emailed me.  I think deep down I knew he would but I did have my moments that I wondered if maybe this time it was over for good.  You see we have taken these breaks a few times now.  It starts to get a little intense because he starts to tell me what I want to hear but then I start to feel more than I like to feel and he starts to pull away and then I am usually the one that pulls back and distances myself from him.  Then sometimes we email back and forth a bit but then I usually will start my "other" prowling and just stop talking to him all together. 

I have never had a lover like C before.  He is possibly the only lover I've ever had that I can honestly say I could be with him outside of an affair.  He is very much "my type".  Often times I have stayed away from men that are "my type" because I don't want that to even be an option.  In addition, he is very protective, overbearing, controlling.  Now most would think that this is a bad thing but truth of the matter is that sometimes these qualities are a good thing.  My hubby is the exact opposite and my father possesses many of these types of qualities so maybe that is why I am so fond of them.  When I have been with C he makes it very clear that he does not want to share me with anyone else except that he knows I am occasionally with my husband.  He doesn't care about my past lovers but he wants and expects that when we are together I will not have any other lovers.  Well anyone who has ever read any of my other posts knows that this just doesn't work well for me and I am one that likes for all of my lovers to believe they are my one and only.  We all like to feel special right?.  But the funny thing is that when I'm seriously seeing C I tend to not really spend any time on my other lovers except when I have a lul and don't get to spend much time with him.

Just a quick recap on C.  He has a very serious girlfriend.  She currently lives out of state but will be moving back here (with him) at the beginning of September.  Their relationship is strange.  They totally act like a married couple in regards to so many things but he isn't really truly happy with her and says he would never marry her but he isn't going to let her go either.  Whatever, it's not my problem but one of the issues we have always had is that he isn't married but there are SO many rules with him in regards to our relationship.  When we can talk, how we talk, etc. etc.  I hate rules!  I mean I know there are rules with lovers.  Trust me I have my fair share but I prefer to be with someone that wants to talk with me occasionally and text.  Someone who occasionally wants to go out and have a drink or dinner.  Everything with him has to be done in private.  We have barely ever talked on the phone.  We text but we had to download this private app on our phones so it uses our data instead of texting so numbers can't be traced and most of our talking is done by email and we have NEVER been out in public together.  He doesn't even like to walk out of the hotel room at the same time.  My other issues with him is that he will talk to me about love, and being close and fill my head with whatever he wants at the time and then if I ever try and call him out on it he will say things like I have always known what this relationship is and where we stand.  OKAY... in a way it's true.  I do know where we stand.  I know that it's an affair.  I know that we are not likely ever going to be together... I mean you don't see me leaving my hubby or anything... but I have always said that I would love very much to have just 1 lover.   But that I would want that to be a man that I can not only have incredible sex with but also a friend.  Someone that I can share things with, trust, spend time with, talk to, etc.  The reason I have almost always had more than one lover is because I have never found all of that in one person.  When I first met him I thought I had found all of those things and it started off that way but it didn't last.  So the last time we started talking again he went right back to all hot and heavy with me but this time I didn't fall for it.  I saw him occasionally but tried to keep my heart distant plus this was as things were kind of starting to get better with hubby.  We didn't get to spend much time together either.  Well then he texted me one day that SHE was going to be moving back here at the end of the summer so he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible this summer.  I asked him if he would continue to see me after she moved back and he said he doubted it.  So it was at that point that I said well since we have just started to see each other again then why delay the inevitable.  I don't want to spend a summer enjoying you just to know that you will take it all away from me when she moves back.  He is a drug to me!  I have never had sex with a man that even begins to compare with how he makes me feel.  He is utterly amazing! So part of me wanted to get as much as I could but the other part of me knew that it would be so hard to give him up at the end and I could potentially get my heart broken and Mrs. M prefers to keep her heart in tact!  So I ended it as I wrote about in a previous post.  I guess I didn't realize what an effect I had on him.... 

I don't get a whole lot of email anymore.  I have closed down my profile on the PS site.  Most of my "friends" have my number and tend to text me more than email me so I get an occasional email from a "friend" or every once in awhile someone from my past pops up with an email.  I have one pen pal man I have written to for years and every once in awhile I get an email regarding someone leaving a comment on a blog post.  I know I'm pretty small potatoes so those are far and few!  So anyway I have gotten to where I don't even check it but once or twice a week.  Trust me I get 100's of email for work so I'm not crying (well not much, lol).  So when I checked my email last weekend and saw that he had written I was a little shocked.  It always starts the same with lots of small talk about how are you, oh good how are you, blah blah.   Then he told me he was moving up this way this coming weekend, that she would be moving at the beginning of September, etc. etc.  He asked about my new job, the hubby, kids, all that.  Then he started talking about us seeing each other again.  The emails have been endless.  He has been pouring his heart out to me about why he likes me so much.  How much he missed me, how he thinks about me all the time and wonders about who I'm seeing and who is taking care of his pussy, lol.  He says he fantasizes about us being together.  He looks at old videos and pictures I've sent him that he's managed to hide away.  He told me if I would consider seeing him again he would find a way to make it work whether she was here or not.  That even though we aren't "together" that sexually he has never been with anyone like me and that he would give anything for us to start seeing each other again.  That he wants us to be "lovers" forever, and that is just the beginning of what he's saying.  I mean he is laying it on THICK!  Now, I don't need all that.  Remember, he's my drug.  It's not like I've been through rehab and have found a replacement drug!  I like all my boys!  I have even been liking my hubby but NO ONE makes me feel like he does in the bedroom!  So my friends it's looking like I shall embark on yet another journey with Don Wan.  My time is so very limited with this new job.  It has me going 100 miles an hour but I'm certain once I get a handle on it I would be able to see him quite often so this could work out well.  I also know that in order for this to work out for ME I need to not let him get to me.  I need to focus on the sex and just enjoy it and savor every minute of it but not let HIM in to much!  I have been keeping my end of the conversations pretty generic.  I give him what he wants and needs from the conversations but haven't been getting all mushy about him.  I also made sure he knew that I had been seeing someone else in this interim. Of course he asked if I would be willing to give him up.  I did not answer that email yet so we will see if he asks again.  I would be happy to have him as a lover for as long as I can imagine but I also know that our track record is not very strong so I don't get overly hopeful in regards to long term.   I must admit that my inner attention whore has certainly loved having him shower me with all of the wonderful compliments and praise!!  So needless to say I'm excited to be with him- SOON!  I can't wait for him to kiss me, to lick me, to suck him, to have him inside me.  It will be glorious!  Orgasm, after orgasm... maybe someday I will get smart and as soon as the fun is over I will not linger in bed with him to allow us time to "talk" and I will get up, get dressed and be the first to leave!  Well only time will tell but as an admitted addict I know I will be easily consumed by my drug and every time I do this my ability to get back on the wagon gets harder and harder!

So we shall see what happens.... at best I should have some pretty hot steamy posts to come!!!

I also have a date coming up with L.  I most certainly am not going to give that up yet!  

I do so love summer!  

Randoms

This past week I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life!  Here are a few things... in no particular order.....
I have not talked with C in several weeks now.  This is good but it also bums me out!  Secretly I wish he would get in touch with me and beg me to see him but I do not believe that will happen so I will continue to learn to live without him and his amazing skills.  He will always be one of the best lovers I've ever had (until I find someone better, lol) but he will never be able to give me or treat me the way I want!

We were away for the past few weekends out at the lake... with family... when we are at the lake I find that I put my phone away and forget about it.  This is such a nice break because any other time my phone is always on me or within ear shot of me... so when I picked my phone up Sunday to look at it I had two texts from L... The first one said "Did we break up? lol ;)"  Then about a half hour later he said... "I just haven't heard from you in several days and I hope your okay... let me know".  I thought this was very nice... he is very nice.  I have totally blown him off over the last week or so.  We were supposed to get together last week but I got busy and simply didn't make time.  It's funny cause he will treat me the way I want but he's not C so I don't put myself out there as much for him.  I do like him though but I've also been dealing with hubby a lot lately and giving him more of my focus and energy so that is a big part of it.  So I texted him back after we got home last night and apologized for being MIA and said we could chat tomorrow (today).  I'm actually texting him as I write this but nothing exciting.  I don't know that he and I will go much farther.

....... So the last two paragraphs I started over a week ago and a rare form of the plague entered my home- JK... well kinda!  We all came down with a horrible stomach virus and spent the entire week sick!  It was simply horrible!  I hate being sick, I do not like being home bound either.  Last week was also my last week at my old job so thank goodness I was working from home (since I wasn't getting much work done)!  The few meetings I did had were sitting on the toilet, lol!  Anyway, being sick is a good and bad on a marriage.  While I was sick hubby was very kind and sweet.  He helped take care of me and when our youngest came down sick that night, he stayed up with him all night long so that I could sleep.  I appreciate those things about him.  I of course continued to be sick for days after but managed to take care of myself, him, two kids/one sick, and the house.  I enjoy the help when I get it.  We also bickered plenty but mostly because we were tired and irritible.  Thank goodness I managed to get sick at the same time as my period so that helped that week go by so I can get back in the saddle.
I can only handle being home for so many days in a row so I managed to get out to dinner with some girlfriends on Thursday evening and then officially started my job Friday.  Let me tell you, it was a rough day... I had to go to a golf outing... the horror, lol.  Kidding... it was great.  I spent my first day at my new job looking all cute in golf apparel taking pictures of the golfers in the outing, talking, drinking and sitting under an umbrella (cause it was 100 out).  Yesterday was my first Official day.  So I'm on to my next career adventure.  No more overnight travel but still selling- of course.  I'm excited!

I did see L this past weekend to, and I do like him!  He had texted me that his band was playing this weekend.  So one day during the week I had texted him- "what is the name of the place your playing and where"?  His reply was priceless- "I'm playing in your strawberry field and it's in your panties".  He loves my little red mound!
So I did manage to get out to see him.  It was great!  He thought I was coming out Friday night but my girlfriend lamed out on me at the last minute so I was able to convince her to go out Saturday.  My brothers band was playing so we decided to go and see him first- warm up a bit.  So we got to the 1st bar and it ended up he was'nt playing but another band was, he was there of course so we hung out a bit, started drinking, and ended up having a great time there.  By the time we left there it was midnight and as we were driving to the other bar I started to chicken out.  I had never seen him in a public type setting and his bandmates were around and all.  So we got there and it was a bit of a hole in the wall and not very busy so we sat in the parking lot, and contimplated whether or not to go in for about 20 minutes.  She wanted to leave and really so did I but I just knew if we went in we would have a great time! SO WE DID!
As we were walking in I noticed that his band mates were outside (I had seen pics).  As soon as we walked in the door he was standing there in front of the bar.  Talk about deer in headlights.  He was floored when he saw me!  He couldn't believe it!  He was instantly nervous!  It was awkward and the whole wopping 10 people in the place were all eyes on us!  Talk about ackward moment!  So he hugged me, and then grabbed my hair, dipped me down and planted a big ole kiss on me- DAMN HOT! Then he hugged my friend and bought us a beer and shot!  I think once the shock wore off he was giddy that I had come.  Also still nervous, lol!   So he had to go back up on stage for their last set so we just got our drinks and found a place to sit.  It was immediately obvious that the woman in the place were scowling at us and the men were prowling us!  Slowly the men started finding their way in and around our table.  What a blast!  The band was pretty good- a little heavy for me but good!  The men were not all that great but as a first class attention whore it was a very successful evening.  We drank for free all night and my girlfriend got hit on by both men and woman.  She's a smoker so she kept leaving me to go outside with all of our new friends.  When she would leave me some guy would find his way over and strike up a conversation.  So as a friendly girl I would chat them up, always keeping a flirtatious eye on L.  So at one point, L gets his tamborine out and asks a girl from the audience to come up and play it.  He asks her waht her name is and she says P (my name)- to which he laughs and replays "really I'm in love with a girl named P" and winks at me.  So then a bit later another guy comes over and talks to me and now he's getting a little jealous and says "hey guys, do I need to stop singing early and walk off this stage so you'll all stop talking to my girl".  Or something like that, he said it nice and fun so it was taken more jokingly.  One guy said "hey buddy your lose is our gain".  Again, I was loving it.  So they did quit a little early and while his band mates were packing up he came over and gave me the attention I needed!  I was worried about his band mates not thinking it was cool that I showed up (since hes still married and all- oh yea and me too) but he didnt seem to care as he came over, sat facing me, pulled me onto his lap and started making out with me.  The guys behind us were like- that's hot, wanna share, to which he replied- in your dreams, lol!
We moved our little party outside where he found a dark little corner pushed me into the the corner and just devoured me with his kisses.  Have I mentioned that he is a big guy.  Like used to be a semi professional wrestler big guy.  He is the only big guy I've ever been with and there is something so sexy about the way he towers over and controls my movements.  I could feel his hard swollen cock up against me and I wanted it so bad.  It didn't take him long before his fingers found their way up my skirt and into my very wet pussy.  I wanted him so bad!  I told him he should just pull his cock out and fuck me right there.  He didn't think that was a good idea.  I thought it was a great idea!  I said lets go in your car- but a few of his band mates were riding with him and they were pretty much done and waiting for us at this point.  I was so wet and horny and he wouldn't stop rubbing my clit and sliding his fingers in and out of my pussy so I said if you don't fuck me now I'm going to cum all over your hand which of course just made him work harder and within a minute he had me cumming in his hand!  He took his hand out and started to lick his fingers clean but of course saved just one for me to suck clean!  I offered to return the favor but he said no- he would wait until he saw me next time and could fuck me good and proper!
I was disappointed but that was his decision. So he walked me to my car where my friend was waiting, kissed me goodbye & we went our separate ways. All was good. We laughed and giggled the whole way home & of course since I didn't get all I wanted I woke hubby up with my mouth on his cock & got my seconds for the evening. I know I'm such a whore!!

Funny last thing. On the way home that night my GF asked why I liked L.
She's knows he's not my typical type. She liked him to but she was curious. So I told her several things I liked about him including that thus far we've been very low maintenance together & I like that. Interesting enough she said yeah until now. I asked her why & she said cause you went to see him tonight & now he's going to like you even more & want you more. I thought naw... It will be fine.
Well she may have been right? More to come on L soon!