Sex is everywhere!

Before I get to the good stuff I need to just vent....

I think I mentioned that at the beginning of this year I took a new job.  I have not worked a full time job since I had kids over 8 years ago.  I have always worked part time, some of the time I worked two part time jobs and also helped out with our business and volunteered in the kids classrooms, and whatever else was needed of me.  I have always stayed busy!  I loved this life as it allowed me more freedom for MY ADVENTURES!  When I took this job it was because it was time.  I wasn't sure where my marriage was and I wanted to have security to take care of myself if we broke up, I was tired of struggling all winter long, I wanted better benefits for our family, etc.  It was a good move!  I am lucky that for someone who was out of the mainstream work force for as long as I was that I was able to land such an awesome job!  I have done very well since I've been here.  It is sales and this is what I did before I had kids!  However, at first I thought that the travel would be so great and at first it was great.  Considering how bad it was at home I was happy to be away and the break from my kids was almost nice as well!  This wore off quick!  Now, I just miss my kids like crazy, and even though I've had a few visitors in my travels, and had some fun I'd just as soon be home and find time for my fun here!

Okay, now that I've said that lets get to the sex is everywhere part!

So being away from home gives me more time to talk, text, take pics/videos, and/or potentially spend time with lovers!  So far since I started my job in January I have stayed the night at R's on one of my trips.  We actually didn't fool around, I stayed at his house (in the guest room), and we went out on the town and partied like college kids.  It was a blast!  After the fact of course I found out that he wanted me to sneak in his room so we could fuck like crazy but I'm not a mind reader, I was really drunk and I didn't get any signals from him!  So maybe next time (which might be next week as I'm going that way, lol).

I had another friend join me on another trip- JJ, he was supposed to stay with me two nights but ended up just spending the one night with me.  It was fun,  as soon as we got into the room of course we were all over each other and he is a super fun lover, we also went out for a nice dinner, and then went back to my room for some more fun!  I find it strange sometimes sleeping with other men.  I would almost prefer that they leave (I know that sounds weird) and there are only a few that I would actually choose to sleep with!  Anyway, he wasn't so bad to sleep with.

Then, recently I had D surprise me on a trip and he drove 1 1/2 hours north to hang out with me.  He has money, lots of it and he likes to flash it.  So he took me out, we went to the local pub- he likes to drink as well.  He is super fun though and everyone loves to be around him!  We partied with the locals, had a blast, got drunk, then he left a huge tip for the guys, which of course they thought was a mistake and couldn't get over.  It was cute, and also nice to be with someone generous!  Anyway, we went  back to my room and he is a friggin stallion and fucked me deep into the mattress but like a good man, he went home for the night, lol!  Only after I made him cum in my mouth!  Which since he is a total control freak, he hates.  He likes to be in control of everything!  However, when I put his cock in my mouth, he loses all control and I get to take over, and he can't tell me no and I always get my reward!!  Hehe!  Also, about D- I"ve been reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series (that's another post entirely).  He is my Christian!  Or I'd like for him to be my Christian!  When I'm reading I imagine that it is he and I!

Lastly, and one I almost am embarrassed to write about was one of my last trips where I decided to give N or dick head another chance.  So I let him travel up to meet me at one of my last northern expeditions.  I also allowed him to convince me to stay an extra day so we would have more time together.  I should have known better, he's to young, to in mature, drinks to much, etc.  But he begged (literally) and I allowed!  The first part started off good.  We went to dinner, had a few drinks, good conversation.  I made him tell me about why he was so adamant about us hanging out again, especially since he now has a girlfriend he really cares about.  He said it was the best sex he'd ever had and he wanted that again.  See the thing about him is that he is not a great lover- AT ALL!  He simply has a really big cock!  I told him I"m only as good as the person I'm with (well depends).  I also told him that if he gave me the chance I could make him an amazing lover.  He just needed a little direction and with a cock like that I could turn him into the BEST!  He is not a good listener you see!  Long story short, the sex was good when he laid there like a good boy and let my hop on top and do my thing.  Other than that he simply sucks and is NOT a good person, lover, human, etc.

The second day, while I worked he slept all day, we again went out that evening and I could tell he was getting into dick head mode, and then we started butting heads.By the time we got back to the room, we were hardly talking.  I read my book all night, he fell asleep.  When I got up the next morning I immediately got up and started getting ready, and packing.  When he finally woke up he actually said "are you ready to get bent over" to which I replied "nope I'm good, all set... I'm leaving, your lucky I allowed you to sleep here for the night, when I get back from breakfast I expect you to be either packed and gone or almost ready to leave".  I then went to breakfast, and when I got back he was just about ready to leave so I packed up and told him to shut the door on his way out.  I waited across the street to make sure that he left and he did.  I can promise you that will be the last we will hear from N!!

So on my trip this week I was again, far north!  I decided to go out Tuesday night after I got up there and settled into my room.  I asked where was a good place and decided on the local pub/restaurant.  I typically sit at the bar since I'm by myself.  I ordered a micro brew, some dinner, and then talked on the phone for awhile with a friend while I drank my beer.  After I got off the phone, the bartender and another guy started razzing me about being on the phone.  So we all started talking and then a local girl came into the bar and we all started talking.  Then the hubby called and was not pleased that I was still hanging at a bar, told me to go home and to call him when I got home.  Well I planned to go home right after my beer, but then the local girl convinced me to have another with her.  So I did.  Then another couple came into the bar and we all started talking.  So then the local girl leaves- the bar tender and I start talking Fifty Shades, he's telling me about his girlfriend of 6 years that is married, and starts showing me all these dirty pics of them on his phone.  I start telling him of my lovers, and show him a few pics.  Then the couple at the bar, convinces me to stay and buys me another beer.  Then me and the girl from the couple do a shot together.  Now, ti's getting late, I've had 4 large beers, a huge shot, and I'm dancing, with the girl.  She is backing up into me and running her hands up my legs.  The guy behind the bar is grinning from ear to ear.  The boy of the couple is grinning from ear to ear and then we do another shot.  Then, the guy goes to the bathroom and she turns around and starts kissing me.  Holy, hell, what am I doing!  So I go to the bathroom.  When I come back the bartender leans over and says that while I was gone they were discussing a 3 some.  He was nervous but she was all about it.  They ask me if I want to go for a walk with them down the beach.  To which I say I think I had better just go back to my room, since I have an early morning appt.  He seemed okay with that but she was adamant that I go for a walk.  He leaves again, and now she's in my ear, begging me to go, talking about licking my pussy, how much fun we will have.  She kisses me again.  HELL!!

So bottom line is that I know I'm not going!  Not because I don't want to- they were both HOT!  Because I have herpes!  No matter what, this is always in the back of my mind.  I am safe with all of my boys, we all have the same thing in common.  This is uncharted territory for me now.  I no longer have the ability to just go have casual sex without always wondering in the back of my mind if I could potentially give this to someone!  The funny thing is that statistically speaking one of them probably has it too!

Anyway, I again said no- I think he was the most sober and could tell I didn't want to or something cause he got her out of there pretty quick after that!  Now, the bartender can't figure out why I didn't go?  He I think was just waiting for me to invite him back to my place as I think he thought we were going to fuck because we shared some dirty pics.  We did not!  However, I apparently gave him my number because he texted me several times the next day to see if I was going out anywhere.  I did not!  I was wrecked the next day and happy to make it through the day alive!  I stayed in and rested and read my Fifty Shades- book 3 like a good girl!  I can avoid trouble one night but I'm not sure I would have made it two nights without some kind of trouble finding me, lol!!

So the funny thing is that in my stupidity, I called my hubby at 2am... duh!  The next morning I told him these stories about the bartender and the 3some.  Why?  Well other than because I'm an idiot I'm not sure.  Maybe to make him jealous? which he was/and mad!  To be honest?  Maybe a little!  So he could see yet again, that if he doesn't give me the attention I will find it somewhere?  His remark- if I sat in a bar and drank and flirted like that you would be so pissed at me- YES I WOULD!  He also commented that even if he had those kind of things would never happen to him- PROBABLY NOT!  Why is that I wonder?

Maybe we can talk more about all of this in my next post!  Why do I live by such a double standard of what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander!?!?  But sex is EVERYWHERE!!

Wow, almost another year has past!

It is amazing me to that almost a year could past and I come on here all the time to read blogs but never take the time to write!  The last year of my life has been filled with so many things I wouldn't even begin to know where to go with it.  I would never try to update everything but here is what I will do cause I would very much like to continue writing again... I think it could be therapeutic!
I am certainly somewhat of a whore!  This is a word that I have bonded with in the past year!
Quick re-cap
June 2011: Had horrible sex with my husband 1x
Broke what kinda had started with M off, (he had a teeny weeny and it wasn't going anywhere)
Started to see J a little on the side- quick side note- he does not have herpes so our relationship has been somewhat limited but nonetheless fulfilling!
Re-discovered the Positive Singles site and put up a fabulous posting as a married lady looking for a lover!
Started rifling through some serious male companion possibilities.

July:
Very busy month with friends, family, kids... however, went on a fun boat ride for the day with a new potential friend... fooled around a little but he was somewhat uninteresting and a little weird!
Met the Fireman!!  Ohh baby he was HOT!  He is the first man I EVER had limited conversation with but had the guts to meet in a hotel room (he even told me what to wear).  I walked in, he was naked and gorgeous and we fucked for hours!  He made me feel like the ultimate dirty little slut and I loved every moment of it.   This ignited something in me that had been missing for quite some time and for the first time in a long time I was ALIVE!  He lives out of state and although we have chatted a few times that is the only time we ever fucked!

August:
Busy family month... continued to chat with several new male possibilities.. even one Dom out in California.  He was fun but kinda hard when your that far away.  I spent some time having fun with J.  He also likes to tell me what to do, and I enjoy doing it!  Since he is married and we typically play on his lunch break we are very limited but again, I adore him and we have great fun together!  I don't think I met anyone else this month.
Also had horrible sex again with the hubby!  This is not good!

September:
Kids go back to school, I start working a little more and I begin talking with V- single, roofer, gorgeous, writes me poetry and says all the right things.  We begin a very intense affair and for the first time in a very long time I have serious feelings for someone.  Looking back I realize that I was so alone and he simply said all the right things.  He loved me quickly and let me love him.  We both needed that.  When he started asking me about being his and leaving my family I got scared, he met someone else, he broke my heart.... it was tough but alas it was all for the better.... they now have a new baby together and I believe he is happy!
Hubby and I decide to start marital counseling to attempt to save the marriage.

October:
I have a rebound affair with a man(actually boy) - N- who has the largest cock I have ever experienced.  He turns out to be a horrible lover (just cause your blessed means NOTHING) and to top it off he is a horrible human being although our first few times were great (again I was rebounding from broken heart).  It took me awhile to figure out just how horrible of a person he was... I was clouded by sitting on his fabulously huge cock... what can I say!
Hubby and I continue to see a worthless counselor and it is going nowhere!  We also attempt to have sex again, I'm drunk, he can't keep it up, i fall apart, it was truly horrible!

November:
I meet HIM!  C... we will call him my Don Wan... quick insight.  He is pretty much a single dad of three kids... hard worker, has a girlfriend who lives out of state.  He cares very much for her but sexually is not satisfied, reads my profile, thinks we might be compatible so we start chatting and quickly realize we have a lot in common!
The first time we are together there is an electricity between us that I have never experienced in my entire life. It's as if we both know exactly where to touch each other and what to do to make the other person just fall to pieces in orgasm.  I have never had a man IN MY LIFE, put so much effort into making me cum- repeatedly.  Nor, who can make me cum as much or as hard as him!  He is the BEST lover I have ever had.
Our affair become very intense, very fast!  Thank goodness we do not get to see each other very often and do not live very close.
I start looking for a new job and find one I want and pursue it with vigor!

December:
I GET THE JOB!  Great job, lots of in state travel.  Great beni's!  Great everything!
We decide to put counseling on hold as it's not doing us much good, and the holidays are approaching and I'm about to start new job and will be very busy!
This is the first full time job I will have had in over 8 years so I'm very nervous but also excited for new opportunities!
Continue to see Don Wan, but not over the holidays!
Also talk with a new gentleman and meet for drinks- D- he is married, very wealthy, older, intimidating, and fun!  I cannot resist but have sex with him- it is fabulous, we do not talk often!

January 2012: Happy New Year!
Start new job, very busy traveling!  LOVE IT!
Start also talking with JJ- lives in different state but one I sometime travel to.  He has a girlfriend, we begin more of a once a week telephone friendship as we have H in common and he is a great person, we do occasionally have a little fun phone sex!
Continue my relationship (as it's becoming) with Don Wan.... Start to develop some kind of feelings for him but am probably just clouded by the amazing sex!
End of the month, less than one month into new job, hubby tells me he thinks we should separate in hopes of still being able to be friends!
He also turned 50 and as I soon discover is embarking on a full fledged mid life crisis!

FEB-MARCH-APRIL- PRESENT:
These past few months become somewhat of a blur so lets just say...
Work:
My job is great and I'm very good at it and place top in the company for a few things and take a great trip to Florida for a conference in March.
Men in my life:  they pretty much all think they are my one and only!
It's getting a little out of hand!  I still see J on occasion for some lunchtime fun!  He is one of my favs and if we could have actual sex I might stick with just him.. he's married which is safe, he's cute, dominating, kind, eager to please, loves to give oral and likes anal!  and again he's safe!  blah, blah
I finally meet JJ for an evening of fun- and he even spends a few nights with me when I travel to his state for a few nights.  We have a great friendship as well but are far apart and he needs to date woman that he can start a relationship with.  I believe he is starting to see someone!
I even see R as I'm traveling to his parts now, he lets me stay at his house, we do NOTHING, which is odd but seem to have managed a friendship out of this.  He takes me out on the town, we party like college kids, it's great!  I have missed him!  Later I find out that he secretly wished I had come and attacked him, lol!
I also start talking and end up meeting L- he is a big tattooed guy, going through a divorce and getting back in the scene and feels safe that I'm married.  He is totally not my normal type but he's cute, in a band, fun, and since I"m not petite (not big either) but not petite he makes me feel very sexy!  We did have great sex and really knows his stuff when he goes down!  I also liked that I made his legs shake when I sucked him!  It was cute.
Out of the blue- D recently gets in touch.  now he does stay somewhat in contact through occasional texts and emails.  He sends me the sweetest things to make sure I know he often thinks of me.  So anyway, out of the blue while I'm away on a trip he gets in touch and drives all the way to where I am to see me, takes me out on the town for an amazing night (he likes to spoil) and then he comes back and we have what I would say was pretty fucking amazing sex!  Recently as I've started reading the 50 shades series I would say he is the closest thing to my Grey!
Things with C (or Don Wan) have been up and down back and forth!  He is like my addiction... well as you can kinda sum, sex and men are my addiction but he is my heroin!  Without getting into to many details we have tried several times now to stop seeing each other but we cannot seem to stay away.  I'm pretty convinced that although I enjoy some sex with other men and I like all my men for different reasons he has ruined me!  I cannot stay away.  I seem to have somehow been able to learn to manage my feelings for him and maybe it's because things are stable at home-not sure but I could easily LOVE this man.  He is the only man I could say that I could potentially see myself with.  I think he could possibly make me happy, and maybe make me not cheat but that is not an option for either of us.  I recently stopped seeing him but neither of us could leave it alone and although I haven't seem him in a few weeks we have been planning a get together in the next few days or early next week.  He will easily suck me into his vortex I'm certain.  I don't want to get into the specifics right now but if I can keep up with writing I can assure you there will be much to unfold with him
Oh yes, and recently I saw N- lets just say he begged, and I thought I wanted that big fat cock- turns out burn me once- shame on me, burn me twice- shame on you!  I ended up kicking him out of my hotel room and promise we will not talk about him EVER again!
I also recently made a new friend- K- although we have only had drinks once.  He is interesting, eclectic, smart, and a cool mustache that I would love to feel in certain spots.  I think eventually something could happen but timing has not been good for us.
I think that is it but trust me, I know it's a little out of hand right now but I am who I am!  My best friend, who is also the only person who knows everything (except you Don, if you ever read this) said to me maybe it's time to thin out the Rolodex a bit.  I agree but easier said than done.  They all have a special place and until I get my personal life sorted out I'm happy with how it is right now!

Okay last but not least let's talk about the hubby:
During this time I start snooping into my husbands life to discover that he has been seriously cheating on me with just about everything with two legs and even some dirty chatting with men.  He is completely out of control and I do not have the ability to keep my mouth closed and all in all I tell him I know everything.  This is not good!  We have been through a lot in the past several months.  We started out heading toward divorce.. since we have discussed open marriage (not for me personally, as I'm a very jealous person), a don't ask, don't tell type situation, but I couldn't stop snooping, him threatening to have me arrested for my snooping, lots of threats, lots of meetings with attorneys, lots of discussion of making up, we started to have sex again, and it's been often good!
He knows of some of my affairs, I know of some of his.  I'm certain we both have many secrets... me much more than him!
Okay, so he has a serious porn addiction, I have a man addiction.  He wants in my world but I prefer to have my world be private!  I want him to only want me.  I don't necessarily believe that what's good for the goose is good for the gander!  I know that I can keep him sexually satisfied- I feel I"m the girl you cheat with, not the girl you cheat on!

What needs to be understood in order for me to continue to write is that ultimately all I have ever wanted is my husbands love and approval.  I have done almost everything he has ever wanted, in return I have asked him to choose me over porn!  He has not.  Over time I learned that I could get what he won't give me from others, thus my infidelities!
Still all I truly want is LOVE and AFFECTION & LOTS OF SEX!  I get the affection and sex from others but I guess I'm not getting the love really from anyone but sometimes all the sex and attention makes up for the lack of love, or at least temporarily!
I stay with him because we have this great life, great kids, I love his family, when we are getting along we have this great friendship and a ton of fun together.  I just simply want him to stop having a mid life, love me and only me so I can go back to taking care of him and our family and our lives (which is what I do best) and then I can scale back and only have fun with a few extra people as that's what I NEED!  but I will do so very privately as I always have and when the Love is back where I need it than I can also indulge him in a little of his kink so that he will not  need to cheat on me!

I know that since this is not elaborately written it doesn't make a ton of sense right now but hopefully as it continues and I can share bits of my life it will all start to make some sense and maybe by writing it down it will make a little more sense to me!  Not sure!
We recently have decided to try and make a go of it.  He did some pretty fucked up shit that I found out about and it seem the light may have gone off for him and he is scared I'm about to leave him and saying that he is ready to make some changes and get some counseling and try and make us better!  Only time will tell!
It's either going to be a great summer or a really hard, shitty summer but either way I'm hoping by the end I will either be healing my marriage or headed towards the single life!
Either one scares the shit out of me!

Okay so I need to finish some work!  I had a fun tryst with J yesterday, he came over on his lunch break and I let him fuck my face on my back deck in the hot sun!  It was HOT!
Hubby woke me up in the middle of the night and I swear I think we had dream anal sex!  It was HOT and my skin was all tingly and he was pulling my hair... fuck if that was a dream I'm going back to sleep!
I may see Don Wan tomorrow but I may actually make him wait another week!
Also, L is working out here on my side of town so I may see him before the end of the week.
So yes, I'm a whore- unpaid whore- but it's okay, I kinda like the ring of it some days!

Until next time......
Mrs. M