Cant escape my Don Wan

So this weekend it happened.  He emailed me.  I think deep down I knew he would but I did have my moments that I wondered if maybe this time it was over for good.  You see we have taken these breaks a few times now.  It starts to get a little intense because he starts to tell me what I want to hear but then I start to feel more than I like to feel and he starts to pull away and then I am usually the one that pulls back and distances myself from him.  Then sometimes we email back and forth a bit but then I usually will start my "other" prowling and just stop talking to him all together. 

I have never had a lover like C before.  He is possibly the only lover I've ever had that I can honestly say I could be with him outside of an affair.  He is very much "my type".  Often times I have stayed away from men that are "my type" because I don't want that to even be an option.  In addition, he is very protective, overbearing, controlling.  Now most would think that this is a bad thing but truth of the matter is that sometimes these qualities are a good thing.  My hubby is the exact opposite and my father possesses many of these types of qualities so maybe that is why I am so fond of them.  When I have been with C he makes it very clear that he does not want to share me with anyone else except that he knows I am occasionally with my husband.  He doesn't care about my past lovers but he wants and expects that when we are together I will not have any other lovers.  Well anyone who has ever read any of my other posts knows that this just doesn't work well for me and I am one that likes for all of my lovers to believe they are my one and only.  We all like to feel special right?.  But the funny thing is that when I'm seriously seeing C I tend to not really spend any time on my other lovers except when I have a lul and don't get to spend much time with him.

Just a quick recap on C.  He has a very serious girlfriend.  She currently lives out of state but will be moving back here (with him) at the beginning of September.  Their relationship is strange.  They totally act like a married couple in regards to so many things but he isn't really truly happy with her and says he would never marry her but he isn't going to let her go either.  Whatever, it's not my problem but one of the issues we have always had is that he isn't married but there are SO many rules with him in regards to our relationship.  When we can talk, how we talk, etc. etc.  I hate rules!  I mean I know there are rules with lovers.  Trust me I have my fair share but I prefer to be with someone that wants to talk with me occasionally and text.  Someone who occasionally wants to go out and have a drink or dinner.  Everything with him has to be done in private.  We have barely ever talked on the phone.  We text but we had to download this private app on our phones so it uses our data instead of texting so numbers can't be traced and most of our talking is done by email and we have NEVER been out in public together.  He doesn't even like to walk out of the hotel room at the same time.  My other issues with him is that he will talk to me about love, and being close and fill my head with whatever he wants at the time and then if I ever try and call him out on it he will say things like I have always known what this relationship is and where we stand.  OKAY... in a way it's true.  I do know where we stand.  I know that it's an affair.  I know that we are not likely ever going to be together... I mean you don't see me leaving my hubby or anything... but I have always said that I would love very much to have just 1 lover.   But that I would want that to be a man that I can not only have incredible sex with but also a friend.  Someone that I can share things with, trust, spend time with, talk to, etc.  The reason I have almost always had more than one lover is because I have never found all of that in one person.  When I first met him I thought I had found all of those things and it started off that way but it didn't last.  So the last time we started talking again he went right back to all hot and heavy with me but this time I didn't fall for it.  I saw him occasionally but tried to keep my heart distant plus this was as things were kind of starting to get better with hubby.  We didn't get to spend much time together either.  Well then he texted me one day that SHE was going to be moving back here at the end of the summer so he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible this summer.  I asked him if he would continue to see me after she moved back and he said he doubted it.  So it was at that point that I said well since we have just started to see each other again then why delay the inevitable.  I don't want to spend a summer enjoying you just to know that you will take it all away from me when she moves back.  He is a drug to me!  I have never had sex with a man that even begins to compare with how he makes me feel.  He is utterly amazing! So part of me wanted to get as much as I could but the other part of me knew that it would be so hard to give him up at the end and I could potentially get my heart broken and Mrs. M prefers to keep her heart in tact!  So I ended it as I wrote about in a previous post.  I guess I didn't realize what an effect I had on him.... 

I don't get a whole lot of email anymore.  I have closed down my profile on the PS site.  Most of my "friends" have my number and tend to text me more than email me so I get an occasional email from a "friend" or every once in awhile someone from my past pops up with an email.  I have one pen pal man I have written to for years and every once in awhile I get an email regarding someone leaving a comment on a blog post.  I know I'm pretty small potatoes so those are far and few!  So anyway I have gotten to where I don't even check it but once or twice a week.  Trust me I get 100's of email for work so I'm not crying (well not much, lol).  So when I checked my email last weekend and saw that he had written I was a little shocked.  It always starts the same with lots of small talk about how are you, oh good how are you, blah blah.   Then he told me he was moving up this way this coming weekend, that she would be moving at the beginning of September, etc. etc.  He asked about my new job, the hubby, kids, all that.  Then he started talking about us seeing each other again.  The emails have been endless.  He has been pouring his heart out to me about why he likes me so much.  How much he missed me, how he thinks about me all the time and wonders about who I'm seeing and who is taking care of his pussy, lol.  He says he fantasizes about us being together.  He looks at old videos and pictures I've sent him that he's managed to hide away.  He told me if I would consider seeing him again he would find a way to make it work whether she was here or not.  That even though we aren't "together" that sexually he has never been with anyone like me and that he would give anything for us to start seeing each other again.  That he wants us to be "lovers" forever, and that is just the beginning of what he's saying.  I mean he is laying it on THICK!  Now, I don't need all that.  Remember, he's my drug.  It's not like I've been through rehab and have found a replacement drug!  I like all my boys!  I have even been liking my hubby but NO ONE makes me feel like he does in the bedroom!  So my friends it's looking like I shall embark on yet another journey with Don Wan.  My time is so very limited with this new job.  It has me going 100 miles an hour but I'm certain once I get a handle on it I would be able to see him quite often so this could work out well.  I also know that in order for this to work out for ME I need to not let him get to me.  I need to focus on the sex and just enjoy it and savor every minute of it but not let HIM in to much!  I have been keeping my end of the conversations pretty generic.  I give him what he wants and needs from the conversations but haven't been getting all mushy about him.  I also made sure he knew that I had been seeing someone else in this interim. Of course he asked if I would be willing to give him up.  I did not answer that email yet so we will see if he asks again.  I would be happy to have him as a lover for as long as I can imagine but I also know that our track record is not very strong so I don't get overly hopeful in regards to long term.   I must admit that my inner attention whore has certainly loved having him shower me with all of the wonderful compliments and praise!!  So needless to say I'm excited to be with him- SOON!  I can't wait for him to kiss me, to lick me, to suck him, to have him inside me.  It will be glorious!  Orgasm, after orgasm... maybe someday I will get smart and as soon as the fun is over I will not linger in bed with him to allow us time to "talk" and I will get up, get dressed and be the first to leave!  Well only time will tell but as an admitted addict I know I will be easily consumed by my drug and every time I do this my ability to get back on the wagon gets harder and harder!

So we shall see what happens.... at best I should have some pretty hot steamy posts to come!!!

I also have a date coming up with L.  I most certainly am not going to give that up yet!  

I do so love summer!